Tag Archive | communication

Parenting Is a Team Sport

ParentingIsaTeamSportpic

Last Valentine’s Day, the parents of our teenage daughter’s best friend took the two of them, and a third friend, out to a fancy restaurant. The dad gave the girls pretty rings and a pep talk about their priceless worth and the importance of loving and respecting themselves. He had contacted Doug and me earlier to ask our permission and we happily consented.  After all, he was reinforcing something we felt strongly about and we were glad for Hillary to hear it from more than just us.

Doug and I joke all the time that parenting is a “team sport”—and our team extends beyond ourselves as Mom and Dad. Some experts believe the magic number is five—that every teen needs at least five adult voices in his or her life that will reinforce positive values and a healthy self-image. For our kids, these voices have included:

  • their grandparents and other extended family members
  • family friends
  • youth group leaders/mentors
  • teachers and coaches
  • parents of some of their friends

It’s been rewarding to see the different perspectives and qualities these other “voices” have contributed, especially at times when Mom and Dad were a little less popular! They offered wisdom in diverse areas like:

  • work ethic
  • integrity
  • perseverance and self-discipline
  • relationships
  • financial management
  • spiritual life (faith, encouragement, prayer)
  • practical skills like construction, painting, cooking, and car repair
  • the value of family
  • aspirations for college and a successful career
  • modeling a lifelong marriage

Do you have the benefit of other influences in your teen’s life that will tell him the same things you would? The unique value of other adults in our teens’ lives is not just the wisdom they offer, but the fact that they are listened to. So, if our voices are temporarily devalued and our influence seems to be waning, we can recruit others to “shore us up.” Plus, sometimes other adults offer unique perspectives and insights that we as parents simply lack.

For example, when one of our kids was going through a rough patch in high school, his track coach stepped in and brought some much needed perspective, encouragement, and accountability. This coach was also our son’s AP Psychology teacher. Because of that expertise, he was able to offer him unique insights that spoke directly and objectively to his logical nature, helping him better understand himself and his reactions. It ended up being a win on a number of levels.

Guaranteed: your children will stumble here and there as they make great strides. Sometimes, they will want you there to pick them up, dust them off and set them straight again. Other times, they’ll prefer you keep your distance and let them handle it. In these instances, having those important third part voices in place will be great backup support.

If your teen is having a tough time, who in your life could become an asset for the situation? It always pays to know, and to keep them in your “hip pocket” just in case!

What do you think about the idea that “parenting is a team sport?” Who are other adults that you would consider to be on your “team?” If you need to shore this up, who are some likely candidates?

 

This post was originally posted on http://www.lifesmartblog.com and adapted from the soon-to-be-released Parenting for the Launch: Raising Teens to Succeed in the Real World (co-authored by Dennis Trittin & Arlyn Lawrence, LifeSmart Publishing).

 

Advertisements

Grammar Tips for the Average Joe (or Jo-Ann)

Okay, so as an editor, I admittedly deal with grammar more than the average Joe (or Jo-Ann).

In fact, when my Hillary (now 14) was in first grade, I rode on a school bus with her class as a field trip chaperone. (Yes, I rode on a bus with 75 first graders–without a sedative, which is pretty much the equivalent of childbirth without an epidural.  I did that, too.)  Anyway, enroute I overheard the following conversation between Hillary and a classmate:

Little Boy:”Hey, Hillary, what does your mom do for a job?”

Hillary: “She corrects people’s spelling.”

It was humbling, to say the least.

Most people’s livelihood doesn’t depend on knowing how to spell properly or knowing how to conjugate verbs. HOWEVER, and I say this in all caps because it’s IMPORTANT, the degree to which you DO pay attention to spelling and grammar can make a big difference in how well you get on in the world.

That’s because bad grammar can make you look, well, bad. 

I’ve been doing some playing around with different topics on my blog, Facebook, and Twitter, just to get a feel for what kinds of things people seem to respond to and be interested in.  Guess which of my Facebook posts of late has gotten the most response?  The one about grammar!  (Although, the one about getting moles out of my yard seems to be running a close second.) It seems folks care more about grammar (and moles) than one might think. People do notice how well you do (or don’t) express yourself.

Here’s a fact: if you want people to take you seriously, you need to at least half-way sound like you know what you’re talking about. And if you can’t get at least the basics of either spoken or written English right, how credible of a candidate are they going to consider you for a job, position, speaking engagement, etc.? It may not be a fair judgment of your actual abilities. But I’m telling you, it’s REALITY.

I came across an article that speaks to this–so far as it relates to writing–in a succinct and user-friendly way. So, rather than re-invent the wheel, I’ll just re-post it for you here.  Hope you enjoy … and if it’s helpful, all the better!

——

(Note: this next part is an excerpt from an article on CopyBlogger.com, by Brian Clark.)

What are some mistakes that can detract from your credibility? While we all hope what we have to say is more important than some silly grammatical error, the truth is some people will not take you seriously if you make dumb mistakes when you write, and buying from you will be out of the question.

Here are five mistakes to avoid …

1. Your vs. You’re

This one drives me insane, and it’s become extremely common. All it takes to avoid this error is to take a second and think about what you’re trying to say.

“Your” is a possessive pronoun, as in “your car” or “your blog.” “You’re” is a contraction for “you are,” as in “you’re screwing up your writing by using your when you really mean you are.”

2. It’s vs. Its

This is another common mistake. It’s also easily avoided by thinking through what you’re trying to say.

“It’s” is a contraction of “it is” or “it has.” “Its” is a possessive pronoun, as in “this blog has lost its mojo.” Here’s an easy rule of thumb—repeat your sentence out loud using “it is” instead. If that sounds goofy, “its” is likely the correct choice.

3. There vs. Their

This one seems to trip up everyone occasionally, often as a pure typo. Make sure to watch for it when you proofread.

“There” is used many ways, including as a reference to a place (“let’s go there”) or as a pronoun (“there is no hope”). “Their” is a plural possessive pronoun, as in “their bags” or “their opinions.” Always do the “that’s ours!” test—are you talking about more than one person and something that they possess? If so, “their” will get you there.

4. Affect vs. Effect

To this day I have to pause and mentally sort this one out in order to get it right. As with any of the other common mistakes people make when writing, it’s taking that moment to get it right that makes the difference.

“Affect” is a verb, as in “Your ability to communicate clearly will affect your income immensely.” “Effect” is a noun, as in “The effect of a parent’s low income on a child’s future is well documented.” By thinking in terms of “the effect,” you can usually sort out which is which, because you can’t stick a “the” in front of a verb. While some people do use “effect” as a verb (“a strategy to effect a settlement”), they are usually lawyers, and you should therefore ignore them if you want to write like a human.

5. The Dangling Participle

The dangling participle may be the most egregious of the most common writing mistakes. Not only will this error damage the flow of your writing, it can also make it impossible for someone to understand what you’re trying to say.

Check out these two examples from Tom Sant’s book Persuasive Business Proposals:

After rotting in the cellar for weeks, my brother brought up some oranges.

Uhh… keep your decomposing brother away from me!

Featuring plug-in circuit boards, we can strongly endorse this server’s flexibility and growth potential.

Hmmm… robotic copy written by people embedded with circuit boards. Makes sense.

The problem with both of the above is that the participial phrase that begins the sentence is not intended to modify what follows next in the sentence. However, readers mentally expect it to work that way, so your opening phrase should always modify what immediately follows. If it doesn’t, you’ve left the participle dangling, as well as your readers.

P.S. You may find it amusing to know that I have never learned the formal rules of grammar. I learned to write by reading obsessively at an early age, but when it came time to learn the “rules,” I tuned out. If you show me an incorrect sentence, I can fix it, but if I need to know the technical reason why it was wrong in the first place, I go ask my wife.

Thanks, Brian, well said!  ~A.